Friday, 6 November 2015

"I don't work here"

Hey guys, long time no talk! Sorry for the long gap but, I've been really busy with college work. Or trying to convince myself that, I've been really busy with college work. Either way, my absence was college related.

But, do you know what a long gap means?

STORY TIME!

So, a couple of days ago I had a day off from college, and I decided to go shopping for an outfit for a wedding, I've been invited to. I was in the dressing room, waiting for my mother to try something on and this old lady approaches me and starts asking for my opinion on a blouse and whether or not she could try it on. So, I had to awkwardly (and politely as I could manage), explain that I didn't work there. And of course she had to get all embarrassed. And made me feel bad.

A little while later, I headed to a book store to get a book for college. I was just browsing around and minding my own business when, another old lady approached me. And of course, for some reason, she as well started asking if I worked there and started giving me a description of a book she wanted for her granddaughter, or something. She didn't exactly give me time to explain, I didn't work there but, I had a rough idea of what she was looking for so, being a good citizen, I pointed her in the right direction.

I went back to looking for what I wanted, and another old lady who, must have seen me helping the other one (Why am I so attractive to old women? I'm not chicken), called me over to show her how to use the ATM. I was fine with this, of course. Until she started pressing the cancel button instead of enter, every time she entered her pin. Every fucking time. I'm not even joking, I was with this woman for a good 15 minutes. Eventually, she got the money she wanted.

I spent so much time helping all these old women that, I actually forgot what I needed and left without getting it. I hope these old women return the favour some day and help me when I'm on the streets because, I couldn't pass my exams because, they distracted me from getting my books. *sigh*

Seriously, I should've at least gotten minimum wage..

~Zoe

Friday, 2 October 2015

College Thoughts...A Month On

Oh, hey. Didn't see you there. I was too busy being a college student. Yeah, that's right. It's been a month and I'm still there. I'm actually really enjoying it this time around. I'm a class rep, I have an account in the library, I have older women to eat carrot cake with. I'm pretty much living the dream. 

However, the thoughts of not getting to do law next semester and academic writing classes do kind of put a downer on the whole thing. And group projects, don't even get me started on those. Lordy. For some reason, one of the ladies in my group thinks I'm an editor. Has she even read these blogs? Obviously not. Proof reading isn't exactly my specialty. 

I am enjoying being a rep though. It's surprising the instant popularity you gain among your classmates. Damn vultures. On the plus side, I'm getting a free hotel lunch next week and apparently free hoodies. Someone mentioned getting hoodies for our class but, I'm not sure yet. Hoodies for dayyyys. Also, hot chocolate Fridays are now "don't have lunch save your money to have hot chocolate because you're addicted it" everydays. What the hell am I even talking about. 

I'm sorry I know this update was really fucking weird and short. I think all my writing skills have gone into reflective writing for college (lol what skills).

Anyway, I will hopefully be back soon with something better. Which, to be honest, shouldn't be too hard.

~Zoe

Thursday, 3 September 2015

Pre-College Thoughts

So, I was getting all my stuff together for college registration day tomorrow, and I found all my notes from my course last year. Which, in a way, was kind of sad. I went through all the effort of getting all my shit together, to realise I really didn't have my shit together at all. I was so nervous last year about, having to meet people, being too shy to join societies and whether or not I was even going to like the course.

This time tomorrow, I'll officially be a college student. Again. And to be honest, I really couldn't give two shits. I'm not nervous, I'm not scared, which is probably a good thing. I met people last year who were trying college for the second time, and they were so cool about it. So, does this mean that this year, I get to be the cool one? Probably not.

Since I'm doing social studies, I don't think I'm allowed have a "I'm not really that bothered" attitude. What if I carry this attitude through the whole course and into my future career and I get fired for telling all my patients to "chill out man, your problems are so irrelevant to the universe"?

I just hope that the really grumpy, old lady who had to take my photo last year is...gone. To me, she was the definition of cray. All the other..photo takers..were fine and just got their jobs done, while she was screaming at everyone to move their chair slightly to the left or right. And then has the cheek to say, it was our fault the photos took so long. I actually had a bit of a bonding moment with a classmate about how much of a bitch she was. The old lady, not the classmate.

So, I would like to wish those of you, starting new colleges or schools the very best of luck.















~Zoe

Monday, 31 August 2015

Coming Out

I've discussed a lot of personal topics on this blog but, one thing I've tried to purposely overlook and never really went into much detail about was sexuality. More specifically, my sexuality. There's been a lot of confusion over what I label myself as. Some of my friends, label me as bisexual. The other half, label me as straight. A few people from my family, think I'm a lesbian. Isn't it great to have so many people concerned with what I want inside of me and what I don't? Sorry for the graphic visual but, apparently that's what it comes down to. Unfortunately, it's never been that simple for me.

I would love to stand up in front you all and say "Yeah, I'm straight" or "Fuck yeah, I'm a lesbian", or whatever. For the past two years or so, I honestly didn't care what I was. In my mind, I was free from labels and free to love who I wanted to love. But then, people started questioning me.

I have a group of male friends. The majority of them are straight. They like girls. I too like girls. If they're talking about girls, I'm going to join in. I have some female friends who are all either straight or bisexual. When they talk about guys, I'm going to talk about guys because, I like them too. And everyone was fine with that. Until lately, when someone voiced that they didn't know how to phrase something because, they didn't know if I identified as a lesbian or not. So, I replied that I wasn't a lesbian, and proceeded to try to explain what sexual orientation I was. It was a lot harder than I thought it'd be.

So, for the past few days I've been researching different types of sexuality, trying to find something that matches me. So far, I've come up with, bisexual (which I've been avoiding labeling myself as for quite some time), polysexual, and pansexual (or gender-blind). They are the closest I can get to how I feel. But here's the fun part. I don't fit any of those! So after, a lot of careful thought and consideration, I've come to the conclusion...who the fuck cares. I'm 19. I don't need your boundaries and labels. I'm like Legolas but, I'm...Labeless? Labelas? What? I just hope the LGBT society at college will accept that.

Well that didn't clear up anything at all. Maybe, some ignorance. Who knows. But, there you have it ladies, gents and everyone in between. I have "come out". Kinda. Maybe?

~Zoe

Side note; This is our 69th post. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Sex.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

Quick, Update, Chat...Thing

Let's all just take a deep breath and prepare our butts for what will probably be a very ranty and poorly punctuated blog. The past few days have pretty much been an emotional rollercoaster for me. It's just really hard to think of what to say. I feel like I have so much to talk about but, so little at the same time.

I guess the big shocker for me for me was getting into college. Again. I'm going to be studying social studies, which will (hopefully) take me where I want to go in life. Big shout out to everyone who's been a complete asshole to me all year for saying I'd never do anything. Not pointing any fingers or anything. I wanted to put a RuPaul quote here but, I figured it'd be inappropriate since it involves kissing flaming...lady bits.

Second thing I was thinking about, is starting a new blog for fiction writing. I want to get back into writing fiction but, I was never really one for putting my work out there for people to read. I was considering it for a while but, I'm still not sure. Knowing me it'd take me forever to update it. If it's something people would be interested in following, let me know by leaving a comment or message me on Facebook or just tweet me about it. I'll have a think about it anyway.

Last thing for now, I just wanted to thank you all for always being so lovely and supportive of what I do. The blog has reached an overwhelming amount of views and I know it's because some of you have been sharing my stuff around. I love getting all your messages and stuff and if you ever have an idea for something you'd like me to write about, don't ever be afraid to let me know.

That's really all I have for you guys, now. If all goes to plan, there should be better stuff to come!

~Zoe

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

The Result of Your Results

Hey guys. This isn't really a planned post, as you can probably tell. It's just with all the "good luck to everyone getting their results", statuses on Facebook, the Leaving Cert results have been playing on my mind. I'm not getting exam results this year but, I am waiting to see if I have a place in college or not and I'm really nervous about that. I know that, a lot of you getting results are going to be feeling that feeling of excitement, dread, nerves and "can we just get it over with already?". The thing that's bothering me is all the "everyone will pass with flying colours" talk.

I'm not here to bullshit you. That's not my style. Anyone who knows me, knows that I pretty much voice whatever is one my mind. You're going to get the results you earned. That's the reality of it. Nobody is going to be 100% happy with their results. (Unless you get all A1s, then go you!)

When I say, "I'm not here to bullshit you", I mean that so, just trust me. The result of your results (hehe) really isn't the foundation that your whole life is going to be built on. They're a great stepping stone, but they're not the soul base of what you can do with your life. Take it from someone who's applied for college twice. If you don't get it this year, there's always next year. Take a year out to discover yourself. If you don't get it next year, go live your life for a few years and try again as a mature student. Bottom line is, if you want it bad enough you'll go out and get it no matter what.

You don't have to go to college or become an apprentice or get a job or whatever society tells you what you should be doing, right now. You're still a teenager. The world is your oyster, so don't panic. So many opportunities for adult education are available these days, and it's amazing. So don't feel like your entire life depends on how well you do in your teens because, it really doesn't.

I do, of course, wish everyone waiting for exam results or college offers the very best of luck. If you get everything you wanted, great job, go party. If you don't, try again, and party anyway. You're only young once and you have all the time in the world to work this stuff out.

Best wishes to everyone

~Zoe

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Zoe's Guide to: Depression

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to write about things that were personal to me. At first, I couldn't really think of anything. I've already done multiple posts on gaming and friends and basically anything that interests me. Then I thought, what's more important to me than mental health? It's something I feel, isn't taken seriously enough and something, I have addressed but, never really dedicated a whole post to it. 

A couple of things I would like to address before we start is, this is my guide. I'm not speaking for everyone who's ever had depression or is suffering from it now. Also, if you are easily triggered or sensitive to this topic then please stop reading. Just for your own health and safety. 

Ok, so first off, what is depression? According to Google, depression is "feelings of severe despondency and dejection" which basically means feeling in low spirits and just sad. Which is fair enough. In a simple form, that's what it is. In my mind, depression is just feeling really fucking shit. About everything and everyone. No one knows what you're going through. No one cares what you're going through. You don't have energy to do anything that, even getting out of bed is a horrible effort. Some people feel so detached from everything they forget to eat. I'd describe really bad depression as, you're alive physically but not mentally. That's the only way I could describe it. 

Something that a lot of people would associate with depression is self harm. The "interesting" thing about self harm is, not everyone who's depressed self harms and not everyone that self harms is depressed. I have, unfortunately, self harmed in the past. Anything from, cutting, burning, closing doors on my fingers, pulling hair, snap bands, I've done it. But, I think, like a lot of people, the hardest "addiction" I had to beat was, of course, the cutting. I'd do it on mainly the wrists but also sometimes on the legs. But, here we are at the most important thing; How I stopped.

If you're looking for ways to stop harming, (I can only really speak for the cutting because, that's what I indulged in most), I have a couple of things I used. First thing, a lot of people will recommend is the "Don't harm the butterfly" technique, which is where you simply draw a butterfly to whatever part of your body you harm. The idea is to not harm anywhere there's a butterfly, which is where the name comes from. Other people will suggest writing a phrase, so every time you look at it you'll remember not to harm. These, in theory, are good ideas but, if you're trying to keep it on the quiet they can be quite noticeable. So what I did was, I took the idea behind these and just marked my wrist with a tiny X whenever I felt the urge to cut. So basically, every time I'd think about doing it I'd see the X and think "you've gone through the effort of trying to stop, don't let yourself down now". You can also pretend the X's are kisses to yourself if you like. Chewing gum also worked for me, which is kinda weird. I think it just put my focus on something else. It's a good trick for people trying to give up smoking, and for a lot of people, harming is an addiction too.

The next thing, a lot of people associate with depression is, suicide. The only thing I can say, and want to say, is if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please try and speak to someone. I know it's hard, I had to do it but, people can help you. If the first person you tell, doesn't listen, try again. If you have parents who would understand (and I know not everyone does) tell them. In Ireland, there are a lot of free counselling services that can be arranged with your GP and are confidential. There are groups and foundations you can call, to talk to someone (I'll leave Irish numbers at the end). Just speak to someone because honestly, everyone's life means something and everything you're going through is temporary. Take it for someone who knows. It does get better. It may not be perfect but, some day it will get better. I know it's not what you want to hear right now, I've been there, you just have to trust that it will.

To anyone who may not suffer from depression but, is reading to learn more; If someone comes to you and says they're feeling down please, just phone them or visit them. Suicide rates are so high in this country and you really can help someone. The county I live, has the fifth highest suicide rate in the whole country and it's our responsibility as communities of families, friends, neighbours etc to look out for and look after each other. So please do.

I think that's all I have to say on this topic. I feel like I've rambled enough. I hope I've helped some of you and maybe enlightened others. Also, please feel free to message me through Twitter or Facebook if anyone feels they need to. Links can be found on the Blog.

Thank you all for reading this extremely long (for me) post. Stay safe and look after each other.

~Zoe

Websites to find out more;
http://www.pieta.ie/
http://www.sosadireland.ie/
http://ie.reachout.com/

Numbers to call;
1 Life: 1800 247 100
SoSad: 041 98 48754






Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Why Being An Adult Will Ruin Your Life

Remember that time when you were, about eight years old and you were watching TV shows such as, "All Grown Up" and "Kim Possible", and you thought "Wow I can't wait to be a teenager! It looks awesome!" Then, you finally entered you're teenage years and it wasn't really awesome at all. You were expected to act like an adult whilst being treated like a child. You were forced to decide what you wanted to do with your life in a two year period. Not to mention all the pressures that come with friendships and relationships.

But, during those years of acne, mood swings and random boners you were probably thinking; "Wow I can't wait to be an adult! It looks awesome!" But it's not.

And this is where we come to what everyone seems to do during their life as an adult: Complaining. So, sit back, stress out and cry yourself to sleep, as we count down the top five reasons why being an adult really will ruin your life! (Which is mostly going to be about young adults #FirstWorldAdultProblems)

1. Money 

I think one of the main lies we believed as children was, adults have all the money to buy themselves whatever they wanted, whenever they felt like it. Sure, I have my own money now and in theory I could buy myself whatever I wanted but...What about that doctor's bill? What about that birthday that isn't for another three months but for some reason my adult brain is programmed to worry about it now? What about that rainy day? How do I know if there is enough rain for me to spend this money? Why has all my money suddenly disappeared from my bank account? Oh, because the bank took all my money for service charges while I was spending all that time worrying about how I was going to spend all that money I no longer have. Dammit.

2. College/University

Ah, third level education. The only place where I have to pay money, to possible make money in the future to pay back that loan I had to take out to pay all that money in the first place. Isn't it weird how all the friends you make on your course and going to be your rivals for work in a few years? Also, it's cool to be a nerd now? I don't have to go to class anymore? Third level education...Why you all backwards and scary?

3. Toy Stores

Do you really expect me to be able to walk around here and pretend like I don't want all this stuff? Why is it when kids throw tantrums over toys it's "sweet" and people say "awww poor little one" but when I do it I'm "unstable" and should "probably seek help". You're the one that needs help if you can't see how cool that Barbie with the colour changing hair is.

4. All of your friends are now adults

Yes, when you age your friends do too. I have old friends and people I know who are getting married and having kids. Other friends are working and having relationships. So once some of your friends fall into the adulthood trap, everyone else's social lives will suffer. It's a fact. Ask your mom. She's probably at home.

5. You just keep getting closer to death

In theory, we all are but, when you're fives year old you're not thinking about that. Almost as soon as people enter the workforce, they're being offered pension plans. Just let that sink in for a moment.

Remember Babe from those Babe the pig movies?









He became and adult and this happened;









Ok, rant over. To all those children hoping to be an adult someday; Run while you can it's trap!

Stay safe,

~Zoe


Sunday, 5 July 2015

Unpopular Opinions Tag

S'up guys. So, I finally got my computer sorted out so, now I will (hopefully) be posting more. I'm kind of running out of ideas for posts. That's pretty much the main reason I've been away. I mean, including this post, I've wrote 64 of the things. It get's difficult after a while. Leave me alone.

I was feeling really lazy today but, just wanted to write something. I decided we'd do the "Unpopular Opinion Tag". I wasn't actually tagged to do it but...chill. It'll be fine.

Unpopular Opinions Tag!

1. A selection of television programs you do not care for.


I don't really watch TV at all so...all of them? I watch Game of Thrones and it's pretty much it. I never got the Doctor Who or Sherlock hype. I can understand why people love the Walking Dead but, anytime I tried to watch it, it felt sooooo dragged out. So much so, I wished a zombie would eat my face off so I wouldn't have to sit through another year long episode. Part of me wants to watch Breaking Bad though. Maybe someday.

2. A selection of musical artists you do not care for.


Taylor Swift. One Direction. 5 Seconds of Summer. Basically anything the kids are liking these days. It's not even their music that annoys me. It's just...looking at them.

3. A selection of celebrities you couldn't care less about.


All of the above.

4. A hobby you "don't get".

Stamp collecting. Just...why? How do you even know what stamps you're supposed to be collecting. What makes one stamp better than another stamp? Are certain stamps rare and shiny and others are just shit? Do you have stamp duels with friends? 


5. A habit you find disgusting.

Cracking your knuckles. Please. Just stop.

6. Something in school you really liked doing that everyone else bitched over.


...Homework. I actually enjoyed getting homework. On a Friday, not so much but, every other day...sure. The only homework I hated getting was English and French. Everything else, bring it on. 

7. Your favorite household chore.


I like ironing. Its quite therapeutic.

8. Popular video games that make you go "meh".


Every MMO ever. Just don't see the appeal. Oh and The Last of Us. It was good...but was it THAT good?

9. PC or MAC?


PC, of course. 

10. A sport you don't like, for whatever reason.


All of them. I don't mind having a go at playing any sport so, I'm referring to watching them. Soccer...Cricket...Fucking golf. Watching golf is the equivalent of watching Arya's storyline in season 5 of Game of Thrones. Ooooh an unpopular opinion inside another unpopular opinions. ...Unpopception?

11. A sport you really like, for whatever reason.


Swimming. Again, I'm talking about watching sports on TV. I like watching the swimming and diving and the Olympics. Also, gymnastics.

12. Television programs you love but have gotten shit for liking.


I'm not really sure. I don't really watch TV.

13. Musical artists you love but have gotten shit for liking.


Avril Lavigne. Lady Gaga. Three Days Grace. Basically anything I listen to.

14. A hobby you have/find interesting that other people bother you over/make fun of.


All my girl friends don't get my gaming. All my guy friends don't get my fiction/poetry writing. Nobody gets my interest in everything spiritual. 

15. A habit you have that other people bug you over.


It's not not a habit but, I guess getting anxious over everything? 

16. Something in school you hating doing and it felt like everyone else loved.


Having to talk to people XD

17. The household chore that makes you want to shoot your own face off.


Sweeping the floor or hoovering. No...no pls.

18. A selection of video games that you enjoy that perhaps you really shouldn't.


Every Sims game ever, including all the really bad My Sims and Sim animals. Also, Saints Row I guess.

19. A celebrity crush that maybe even you don't understand.


Oh God. Benedict Cumberbatch. Zac Efron. One Direction. I never seem to like anyone that everyone else does.

20. Free rant on whatever grinds your gears at the moment

Aha, what isn't. The series finale of Game of Thrones, just because it was awful. Susi. My internet. The list could go on all day.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to use this tag where ever you see fit. I tag all of you. There is not escape now.

Peace out

~Zoe

PS; Sorry if there's any weird grammatical errors. I'm still getting used to this new keyboard.

Monday, 15 June 2015

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing (Update)

Hey guys! So yeah, in my last post I said I was going to be updating more frequently now. Well, that ain't gonna happen. Not because I don't want to but, literally a few days after I wrote that post, my computer took a shit on itself and now I'm computer-less. Or should I say, comPOOter-less. Hehe.

I will try to get posts out. I'm thinking of handwriting blogs, so I can just type them out whenever I have access to a computer, or just email blogs to people and make them publish them for me at gun point. Who knows? I'll work something out.

I'll be honest. I don't really know what is going on in my life right now. I'm going to be 19 in about 2 weeks, and that's really hard for me to swallow. I feel like I'm stuck in this kind of vortex where I'm neither coming or going from nothingness. However, at the same time I feel like I'm becoming more of my own person, and just accepting myself. I had a lot of alone time, lately. I barely spook to anyone, I educated myself, I took time to reflect. To some people, that might sound totally crazy but, it was exactly what I needed. It was nice.

I think I'm going to call this here, as I have no idea what I'm doing.

Before I go, I'd like to draw your attention to some friends and now, fellow bloggers of mine; T and Daryl, who you can find here and here. Both are really good friends of mine and lovely people so, you should check them out.

That's it for now. Peace.

~Zoe

Monday, 4 May 2015

New Time, New Look, New Friend!

How do I even go about starting this? I mean, is anyone still here? The statistics say there is but, who knows...So yeah, welcome back, I guess. This feels so weird, it's like losing my virginity all over again. My blogging virginity not the actual..um..well *nervous coughing*.

I know I've been gone for like, ever, and I wouldn't blame anyone for not waiting around for me to come back. It's like anything really. Who wants to watch a TV show that only has an episode every 2 months or a YouTuber who only uploads every 3 months or follow a blogger who makes a comeback every year, only to disappear into the abyss a few weeks later...

I feel like I'm more comfortable coming back to this after my last "comeback" stunt. It just feels more natural this time, which is nice. It's a weird feeling I'm having the past 2 weeks, or so. I just feel like I've moved onto this new time in my life where I can just sit back and think, "Yeah...I did good today". It's weird but, nice. I did a massive U-turn in terms of my thinking and just how I live my life, in general lately. It basically consists of trying to think positively all the time and just trying to have better morals. There's a song called "Lonely Train" and I think it's an interesting way to look at life. The chorus is;

"But you can't judge a book
Looking at the cover
You can't love someone
While messing with another
No, you can't win a war
Fighting with your brother
You wanna have peace
Gotta love one another"


I don't know if any of you have noticed this but, I updated the look of the blog a while back. We are now rocking the pink! Also, you can now get to my Facebook and Twitter by a simple click of a button! *nudge nudge*

I would also like to welcome Stephen to the team! (Yeah I said team). Stephen is going to be helping out with the blog from time to time, and might leave the occasional note here and there. (hi)

So, that's all from me for the moment. As usual, I'll update as and when I can, which might not be as regularly as it used to be, due to life and other annoying stuff.

Bye for now,

~Zoe x