Sunday, 21 September 2014

College Blues and Flaming Cakes

So, the last time I wrote was almost two weeks ago. I doubt anyone even noticed I was gone but, I do apologize. I've spent the past couple of weeks, not really having any idea what is going on in my life. A lot of things have just been thrown at me, out of no where and adjusting to things is hard. Very hard.

I've actually gone to college. I didn't have a nervous breakdown on the first day, go me! I actually tried talking to people too. I got my student card. I must say the picture is...not flattering. The lecturers thought it would be a good idea to put all girls, doing the course, into the one class, which resulted in me being split from anyone I knew from school. And that's when the panic set in.

I basically spent the first few days of college wondering, "When can I quit?" I would have left last Thursday if it wasn't for my mother. Damn her. I don't know what my problem is. I can go from "Get me the f**k out of here now" to "Oh my God, this is my life calling" in about 5 seconds. It's gotten to the point where if people ask me "How is your course going?", I just reply with, "I don't know". I had one person who thought I didn't know what I was doing in college and they literally just looked at me and said, "How do you NOT know what you're doing in college". Leave me alone, OK? I made a really shitty webpage. What have you done?

Most of my time over the past week or so, went into planning a surprise birthday party for one of my friends. I thought I could pull it off alone but ended up having to call in back up. It's hard work, planning a party. It's harder trying to keep it a secret. Apparently, it's also hard to get a reaction out of the person. So hard, that I almost set the cake on fire. That was probably the most exciting part of the party. I was so wrapped up in trying to keep it a secret, that I forgot to plan some proper entertainment. I genuinely thought one of the guests was going to have a heart attack from laughing, at the candle falling off the cake, so I suppose I provided some sort entertainment. What were we talking about again?

I can't even remember what the point of this was...a catch up maybe?

I hope you all are leading happy and eventful lives.

~Zoe

Monday, 8 September 2014

Dr Internet, Graduation and College Worries

Firstly, sorry for the delay in this post. I've been actually really busy lately, with things I'm about to fill you in with. This my or may not be a long post. I'm winging it.

I think it was Tuesday, last week, I was sitting in a hospital waiting room, waiting for x-ray results and whatnot. I've been having issues with my lungs. So bad that I can't breath a majority of the time. On top of that, everything aches. Everything. All the time. Always. I think I'm dealing with it quite well. Ever since, just getting out of bed became an issue, I've cut down on my complaining. I don't think I had much of a choice, in the matter but, whatever.

Last Wednesday, I returned to my doctor, Dr Internet, I call him this because, he keeps me for ages showing me random websites. After months of being in pain and not being able to breath he came to the conclusion that I'm simply under too much stress for someone my age and then he diagnosed me with anxiety. Can you be "diagnosed" with anxiety? I don't know. Point is, I have it.

I realised how bad the anxiety was, on Thursday. My graduation. I woke up at about 10:30 that morning, then went around the house shaking in fear, until my hair appointment at 3:30. After doing all the boring girl stuff, make-up, tan etc, I arrived at our graduation location at about 7pm. Then almost fell up the stairs. Up the stairs. Which, of course, arose some giggles from the other girls outside. But whatever, I pretty much defied physics. Suck on that, bitches. Here's a picture. Aren't we super sexy?




After all that, I actually had a pretty good time. We had a nice meal, I got a pretty corsage and danced the night away. Trying to drag friends onto the dance floor, proved to be difficult but, we got there in the end. The highlight of the night, was the fact that I get to tell people I didn't get home to 11am the next morning. Now I seem like a cool, party animal. Not really.

And now, after actually graduating, I am moving onto third level education. Tomorrow, to be exact. I'm not even shitting bricks. I'm shitting full construction sites. It's not even the whole "going to college lifestyle" that scares me. It's just the new people, I have to meet. I was never any good at that. It just seems so weird, that I've been preparing for this for so long and now it's actually happening. As of, 9am tomorrow, I will officially be a college student. With a card and everything. It just feels wrong.

Sorry this post was so long winded. I think I winged it a bit too much.

I hope you're all living happy lives,

~Zoe