Monday, 28 July 2014

"Us Against The World" (50th Post)

Have you ever met someone, and can't believe how amazingly perfect they are? Someone who is just so perfect you're kind of jealous of them but, it's ok because you love them so much? I did. Her name was Rebecca.

I never told anyone about Rebecca. I met her at an after school activity and at first, we didn't get on at all. I became really good friends with her brother so, we were kind of forced to hang out. She was quiet, most of the time, and seemed to be lost in her thoughts a lot. For some reason, I was drawn to her. I still don't know what it was. Was it her guitar that, she seemed to drag around more than she should have? The fact that, her noise did this crinkle when she laughed (which was rarely), or was it her long, dyed black her that she seemed to hide herself behind? Maybe it was just because, she was older. She was 17 and I was about 14 at the time. Rebecca some times got mistaken for a goth. I heard people call her it in the street. She wasn't though. Rebecca was suffering from depression. 

After doing this, after school activity for about 2 months, she actually started talking to me properly and, we found out we had quite a lot in common. When we had a spare moment, Rebecca would play Coldplay songs for me on the guitar and I would preform whatever pathetic excuse for a card trick that I could. Her favourite song was "Us Against the World" by Coldplay, and she played it beautifully. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I loved her. Not in a weird way. More in a "I really like this TV show but I want it to be my thing". Because of that, I never told anyone about her. Like the moody bastard Alec Moore once said, "I had a friend. A private secret friend", and I didn't want anyone to take her away.

Rebecca, stopped showing up to the after school activity. I never heard from her at all. I used to use her brother as a method of keeping up with what she was doing. I worried about her mostly. On Thursday, 7th of November last year I got a text before maths class. It was from Rebecca's brother. Rebecca had taken her own life 2 days before. I couldn't believe it. It felt like a strange dream that I was praying I'd wake up from. I loved her and I couldn't save her. I'd barely even spoken to her in months. I took the next day off school but, didn't go to the funeral. How could I? Nobody even knew I had such a friend. 

I heard the song "Us Against the World" today, for the first time in ages, and instantly thought of Rebecca. But instead of getting upset, I was able to smile and think of everything good she had done for me, like encouraged my writing. Since this is my 50th blog post, and because of the song, I decided to take it as a sign. Why not dedicate this milestone to one of the people who has believed in me the most?

If you have a friend, who suffers from depression, an illness or anything along those lines, please treasure them and show them you love them. Treasure all your friends and family because, you never know what is around the corner. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did because, unfortunately, I had to learn the lesson the very hard way. 

So, to all my lovely friends, I'm sorry if I bug you about hanging out and pictures but y'know...you just never know. I love you all, dearly.

~Zoe

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Invade My Privacy!

I don't know if anyone likes these little question things but, I have fun doing them so, I'm going to keep doing them occasionally. That's really all the introduction I have. Me being a bitch. Okayyyy...

*copy and pastes questions coz I'm lazy as shit*

1. Did you wake up cranky?
Surprisingly, no! I woke up very confused actually because, it was like 8am and, I had a super strange dream.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Considering, I am 18, it would be a bit weird if I said "no", so yes! I've never actually been with anyone older so that's a bit..weird. They weren't like 12, it's fine!
3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
I prefer to be friends with boys because, I find we have more in common. However, the "no drama with boys" thing isn't true. Trust me.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
Yes! I smile at old woman and gay couples all the time! Makes me sound kinda creepy but, anyway. Wanna play crazy snakes, yeaaaaaaah.
5. Can you commit to one person?
Of course! I don't even know how I could get more than one person to like me?
6. How do you look right now?
Kinda sweaty, I guess, since it's like 28 degrees in my room. Ugh.
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
A DC girls navy t-shirt and shorts.
8. How often do you listen to music?
I listen to music everyday. I mostly listen to, Paramore, Three Days Grace and Ed Sheeran.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Sweats! I don't wear jeans unless I'm leaving the house. Life is hard enough...
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015?
Probably. I have the biggest roller coaster of a life.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
I have a little bit of social anxiety around new people but, I suppose I'm quite sociable with people I know well.
12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
"Really? I think she's kinda a bitch". Not really, I'm not that heartless. I only said that twice.
13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I think so? I get upset easily and I don't think many people notice. If I really like someone, they think I hate them so, I would say, yes.
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
Nope, but here's a Need For Speed pick up like for ya! "Hey baby, why don't you take me Underground and I can be your Most Wanted, Pro-Shift". It's funny because they're games.
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
I'm kinda used to it, to be honest because, girls just don't like me, so I don't really care. If it was my friends then, yes I would care.
16. Are you going out of town soon?
Lol no I never leave.
17. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday, because of the Walking Dead and some very emotional, text messages.
18. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
Oh yeah. I'm not going to say anything because, it was that bad.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
No, my eyes are the only thing I wouldn't change.
20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Sort our my life but, we all know that's not going to happen!
21. Name something you dislike about the day you're having.
It was a little lonely, very hot, and I was sick. Yay.
22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
Yes. I get "pity crushes" that last about a week so, I've liked pretty much everyone at one point.
23. Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be. I won't be mean to someone unless, they really piss me off or get at one of my friends.
24. What are you sitting on right now?
My ass. Or my bed, if you want to get fancy about it.
25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Of course. One person is hard enough to be with.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?
Yes. Who hasn't? Oh it's just me?
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Mista J, about a friends new nickname and things just escalated a little too far.
28. Do you get a lot of colds?
No. I get sick a lot but, not with colds. Thank God.
29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
No. Not by accident.
30. Does anyone hate you?
I would think so. Well, I kind of know so.
31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
I don't know. Define "everything". If you mean like, EVERYTHING, then, not really.
32. Do you like watching scary movies?
Yes, I love them! Just not alone...
33. Are you a jealous person?
Hahaha...noooooo. Ok, yes, very. Not when it comes to relationships or, what people have, just kinda with friends.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
My first year of secondary school. For definite.
35. Did you have a dream last night?
I had a dream where, one of my friends went on a rampage and tried to beat up everyone but, then it turned out I was being shown "what could happen" in a dream simulator. Dreamception!
36. Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Oh God, no.
37. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I have a suspicion but, I doubt it.
38. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
More than likely, if anyone is reading this. Other than that, probably not.
39. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Yeah. I went hiking with my family, up this mountain walk and had a picnic and stuff.
40. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, almost everything has changed.
41. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
Probably, just sitting here awkwardly.
42. What's the best part about school?
Lunch time because, people used to do magic and shit. Either that, or Religion class.
43. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
I am currently tagged in 297 pictures, on Facebook.
44. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
Yes. They are normally jokes.
45. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
All the time. Especially arguments. I'm one of those "I should have said.." people.
46. Were you single over the last summer?
For the start, yes. By the end, no.
47. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Sleeping? I'm going to go on a YouTube marathon after this.
48. Don't tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Yeah? They're my friend, I'm not going to call them ugly.

Twitter Questions!
49. How are you single?
I suppose I'll take that as a compliment. Honestly, I don't know. As far as I can see, I'm what pretty much most guys I'd be into, would like. Hell, my idea of a perfect date is just staying home and playing games together and I feel guilty if people buy me things so, that's a big no-no. Maybe, my face is the problem?
50. Do you believe in aliens?
I don't tend to believe in things I can't see, unless I have experienced something. In this case, I haven't. However, I'm not ruling it out because, there's more than our Galaxy our there.

I hope you enjoyed this. It was a little tedious, I know but, hey, what are ya gonna do?

~Zoe

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Less is More

Have you ever had that moment in your life when, you're in a terrible mood and something completely random makes your day? It could be something not many others, may notice. A butterfly, a hug, a piece of cake..it could be anything! I had one of those moments today and I feel like I've had some sort of epiphany. Do you want to know what caused it? An old man playing the bongos in Grand Theft Auto.

I started today, in one of the worst moods I've ever been in (and I'm in bad moods a lot). I went onto the PlayStation for an early morning GTA session, and decided to go on a rampage to cool my temper. However, running down Vespucci Beach, something distracted me from terrorizing innocent civilians. It wasn't a crazed driver or a random meteor shower, it was some sort of funky beat. Following the music, I eventually stumbled across an old man, just chilling with his bongos. For some reason, and I don't know why, this instantly put me in a good mood. I was so impressed I took a picture:














I noticed that little random things during the day, made me really happy and for the first time in a long while, I started to appreciate the life I have and stopped wishing for "something better". Little things like, robbing GTA stores with a friend or having someone listen to my problem, instead of me listening to theirs. And we finally get to the epiphany I had; less really is more. In fairness, I should have had this epiphany a long time ago. I went through a rich phase and I didn't know what to do with myself. I always told myself that money was important but, come to think of it, it was never something I really wanted. Ever.

I wouldn't consider myself to be a selfish person. Feel free to disagree but, I think it's one of my best qualities. I treat my friends to gifts, when I can, and I've done my fair share of charity and voluntary work, in the past. Always because, I thought of myself as a bad person and I had to redeem myself, for something I never did. Second  possible epiphany; Am I really a genuinely nice person? Am I a bad person redeeming myself? Do I just feel bad because, no-one ever says "thank you, I appreciate it?" What was the point of this again?

I don't know if I've made a point or, if I've even made any sense. I just really felt like writing something and, this was playing on my mind. Maybe I just wanted to praise Bongo Guy? I don't even know. I suppose, I just enjoy being nice and instead of being horrible to people who give me a hard time, maybe I should just be nice to them because it makes me feel good? I don't like stooping to their level. I think I've had another epiphany.

This weeks challenge for you; Do something nice for someone or just message them saying "I appreciate you and, I'm happy you're in my life". I guarantee it will put a smile on their face! (I know it would put one on mine). I am very tired right now...

Have a lovely day/evening/night and be good to each other!

~Zoe




Saturday, 19 July 2014

Draw My Life

Before I start this, I just want to say that this is probably the most personal post I've ever done. I've been contemplating for a while now, as to whether I should make it a post or not. I've come to the conclusion that, it's my life, what do I have to be ashamed of? However, since it's so personal, I will only be sharing this to my Twitter and the blog's Facebook, simply because, the people there are my most treasured and loyal following. Feel free to follow me on either if you haven't already. Obviously, my life is not limited to the 8 pictures you're going to see but, I don't think it's fair to go into detail about relationships etc because, I don't want to call people out or embarrass anyone. Also, I would like to apologize in advance for my terrible drawing, and would like to thank Trina for her lovely colouring.

Draw My Life

I was born, Stephanie Margaret Hill, on the 29th of June 1996. The third, and final child to Patrick and Breda. There's nothing I can really say about my birth except for the surprise arrival of a slightly ginger, quiet baby girl. I didn't cry, as far as I know, and had a fucked up heartbeat. A nice surprise for my parents, all the same.

















I don't remember much from my early years but, I have been told I wasn't the most pleasant child to look after (by my sister!). My hobbies included, pretending to be asleep and then trying to escape the cot and crying when the Barney in Concert video ended. Apparently, I threw a tantrum at my first birthday because, I didn't want to wear the bracelet my Godmother had gotten me. I couldn't even talk back then, and I was still sassy as fuck.

















I started school in 2001. I was a pretty good student, back then. I got good reports and everyone liked me. One of the qualities on my student profile was, "good at making up games". Important life skill, obviously.

















Primary school was were I experienced "love", for the first time. He was one of my best friends the whole way through school and I was infatuated with him for 7 years. Not even my amazing game making skills couldn't reel him in. Pathetic.

















I started secondary school in 2009, and hated it with a burning passion. I didn't really fit in with anyone and found it extremely difficult to make friends. My grades seemed to slip each year and I was terribly unhappy. I used to count down the days until I was finished, I hated it that much.

















I started questioning everything about myself; the way I acted, my sexuality, everything. I never felt comfortable in my own skin and became extremely depressed. I turned to self harm and made several attempts on my own life. I felt trapped between somewhere I didn't want to be and somewhere I didn't want to go.

















After 2 years of secondary school, I finally found a group of friends who accepted me for who I was and I felt comfortable enough to finally be myself. I met someone I felt I could always rely on but, like everything, it came to an end. Despite this, I continued to make more and more friends and I finally felt happy.

















I finished school this year and I am eagerly waiting for what the next chapters of my life hold. Love? Money? Fame? Being a superhero? Who knows? All I know if I am more than ready to find out!


















Gotta love a cheesy ending.

~Zoe

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Where Am I Now? (Slightly Pessimistic Version)

Edited version of a thought I had earlier today (17-7-14, 12:29pm)

I always think that writing in the sun would be a good idea, it gets me every year. It never is, though. I always end up sleepy, blind, or with a rash because, out of all the things in the world I could be allergic to, I am allergic to the sun. I wish I was joking but, I'm not. I don't know why, but, my house is the only house that seems to have sun, at the moment. I'm also writing this on paper, which is strange. My writing is barely legible anymore.

Sitting outside in the sun, has made me start thinking about where I was, a few years ago. Take when I started this blog, for example. Where was I, 2-3 years ago? This time, 2 years ago, I was waiting for my Junior Cert results to come back. Today, I'm waiting for my Leaving Cert results to come, in August. My biggest worry 2 years ago, was having to return to school and losing half of my friends, to the dreaded TY. Now, it's will I get into college? Can I even afford to go?  Why does everyone hate me so much, and are trying to ruin my graduation? Should I start being an adult and get a job or something? Should I restart Tomb Raider?

I've been through a lot, in the past 2 years. Things that people my age shouldn't have to. A lot of time, problems would get out of control which would lead to more problems, which were harder to solve. I got through it in the end, like I always do. I'm one of the strongest people I know, and my own best friend during these times because, I struggle to talk about them. Now, 2 years later, I feel like I've learned several life lessons and I think that's a good thing. I keep telling myself I'm happy. I suppose we'll see in August.

~Zoe

Monday, 14 July 2014

Who Are You?-Tag

I figured that I haven't done a tag for a while, so I thought I might do one. Well, I figured that a long time ago but, I am very lazy. Today, I'll be doing the "who are you?" tag, to introduce myself a little better to my lovely new Twitter readers. Well, I hope this will help me introduce myself because, once again, I haven't read the questions. I am simply rolling with this. Also, I don't really have many people to tag so if you are reading this, feel free to do it yourself and let me know. However, for this I will tag the lovely, Catherine Ann Minnock, if she's reading. You can check her out here. So let's do this!

1. Where were you born? I was born in a place called Mullingar, in the midlands of Ireland. Nothing really exciting about my birth. I arrived about a week before my due date, which was the 5th of July. Turns out that is actually my dog's birthday, now.

2. Were you named after someone? The simple answer here would be, no. Originally, I was meant to be a boy. My mother and her friend were both pregnant at the same time. I was supposed to be a boy and her friend was supposed to have a girl. Ironically enough, my mother had a girl and her friend had boy shortly after, so my Thomas the Tank Engine, footie pajamas were give away. This is going off the point. Basically, I was meant to be "Stephen", and then my parents had to improvise so, I was given the name "Stephanie" instead. I feel like I've just broken the forth wall...

3. If you have children, how many do you have? I, thankfully, do not have children...yet. However, I would like to have some, I suppose. I want to give my children "cool" names so, you all can look forward to meeting, little Aleister, Oregon and Elliot. 

4. How many pets do you have? I have four dogs, Jessie, Rusty, Tammy and Charlie. Charlie is a beautiful, black and white, springer spaniel, and the other three are mischievous, Jack Russel terriers, who have taken to barking, simultaneously under my window whenever I decide to do some online gaming or, study.

5. Your worst injury? I've never actually broken a bone or anything like that *knock on wood* but, during a game of "Witches", in primary school, I slipped and got a small stone lodged into the back of my neck. So, for a while I had a "cool scar". Yeah, there's a mental image for ya.

6. Do you have a special talent? lol no.

7. What's your favourite thing to bake? I don't bake very often but, when I do, I only bake things that contain chocolate. I quite enjoy baking cookies, and have been told my cookies are "the best".

8. Favourite fast food? I'm not really into fast food, to be honest. I suppose, Supermacs? I've grown into a picky eater so, Id rather sit and wait for something half decent than have a meal in under 4 minutes. 

9. What is the first thing you notice about people? If it's a boy, hair or eyes, if it's a female, normally what she is wearing.

10. Favourite smells? Vanilla and the mystery cologne I have smelled on some boys that makes me weak at the knees. I've actually asked some of them, and they replied with the stereotypical male, "I dunno". I will discover this mystery scent...someday.

11. Why do you blog? What else am I supposed to do all day? Seriously, I started blogging back when I was hating school, just as a method of venting, really. I started again last year, out of boredom and people seemed to like it and encouraged me to keep going. Honestly, I don't know why I do it. Probably because of all the nice comments I get on Twitter. If it makes people happy then, I'm happy to keep doing it.

12. What song do you want played at your funeral? If you we're friends and you don't know this then what the hell is wrong with you? I want "Fix You" by Coldplay played at my funeral simply because, it is a beautiful song and one of my all time favourites. 

13. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? Really? I can only pick one? Probably, the way I say things without thinking, sometimes, which ends up with either me getting in trouble, or, hurting people's feelings unintentionally.

14. Any pet peeves? When people crack their knuckles. Do you know how frustrating it was having to sit around people in study, for 2 years who just constantly seemed to do it? It freaks me out and makes my skin crawl.

15. What's the last thing that made you laugh? This was a while ago but, made me laugh so hard. I was looking after some kids and I gave them some biscuits and everything was normal enough until one of them innocently asked "who made these?". I just presumed this was a high flying four year old and he wanted to know the brand so I told him "Jacobs", (other brands are available) to which he replied, "tell him I said thanks", and he tottered off. A very polite young man but, very funny. I suppose you had to be there. 

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Minecraft Diaries, Day 3- When Pigs Can't Fly

Day 3- When Pigs Can't Fly

Today, was a sad day in Minecraftia. I never would have thought...I couldn't have known. All my trophy hunting..all my glory seeking. Today, I took Fredwardo out for a ride, to try and achieve the "when pigs fly", trophy. I took him out, climbed the mountain of Campton and got ready to "fly". However, something terrible happened. Fredwardo fell and I didn't go with him. In my horror, sprinted down the hill, broke my legs a couple of times, and found a saddle at the edge of the river. No Fredwardo, just a saddle.

To try and make myself feel better, I did a bit of exploring. I went to the mushroom island and got stalked by a mooshroom, I went in the caves and I traveled along the coast until, I came to, what I now call, "Dead Village". Dead Village consisted of half constructed buildings and buildings underground containing, all the villagers. I did a bit of landscaping and flood control and left. I didn't even raid it. I found it all too sinister to be honest, I just couldn't leave all those villagers "ehh-ing" underground. Maybe I'll return and raid them some day.

~Zoe

In loving memory of Fredwardo the Pig, 31/6/14-1/7/14