I never told anyone about Rebecca. I met her at an after school activity and at first, we didn't get on at all. I became really good friends with her brother so, we were kind of forced to hang out. She was quiet, most of the time, and seemed to be lost in her thoughts a lot. For some reason, I was drawn to her. I still don't know what it was. Was it her guitar that, she seemed to drag around more than she should have? The fact that, her noise did this crinkle when she laughed (which was rarely), or was it her long, dyed black her that she seemed to hide herself behind? Maybe it was just because, she was older. She was 17 and I was about 14 at the time. Rebecca some times got mistaken for a goth. I heard people call her it in the street. She wasn't though. Rebecca was suffering from depression.
After doing this, after school activity for about 2 months, she actually started talking to me properly and, we found out we had quite a lot in common. When we had a spare moment, Rebecca would play Coldplay songs for me on the guitar and I would preform whatever pathetic excuse for a card trick that I could. Her favourite song was "Us Against the World" by Coldplay, and she played it beautifully. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I loved her. Not in a weird way. More in a "I really like this TV show but I want it to be my thing". Because of that, I never told anyone about her. Like the moody bastard Alec Moore once said, "I had a friend. A private secret friend", and I didn't want anyone to take her away.
Rebecca, stopped showing up to the after school activity. I never heard from her at all. I used to use her brother as a method of keeping up with what she was doing. I worried about her mostly. On Thursday, 7th of November last year I got a text before maths class. It was from Rebecca's brother. Rebecca had taken her own life 2 days before. I couldn't believe it. It felt like a strange dream that I was praying I'd wake up from. I loved her and I couldn't save her. I'd barely even spoken to her in months. I took the next day off school but, didn't go to the funeral. How could I? Nobody even knew I had such a friend.
I heard the song "Us Against the World" today, for the first time in ages, and instantly thought of Rebecca. But instead of getting upset, I was able to smile and think of everything good she had done for me, like encouraged my writing. Since this is my 50th blog post, and because of the song, I decided to take it as a sign. Why not dedicate this milestone to one of the people who has believed in me the most?
If you have a friend, who suffers from depression, an illness or anything along those lines, please treasure them and show them you love them. Treasure all your friends and family because, you never know what is around the corner. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did because, unfortunately, I had to learn the lesson the very hard way.
So, to all my lovely friends, I'm sorry if I bug you about hanging out and pictures but y'know...you just never know. I love you all, dearly.